Archive for the ‘Communication’ Category

Acquiring assertive behavioural traits is one of the most effective characteristics that you can ever have in your life. Being assertive you are much more likely to get what you want when you want it and in half the time it would normally take. And the best part of all without treading on peoples toes!

The Benefits Of Behaving In An Assertive Manor Are

• You take control of your life and surroundings.
• You allow others to take control of their own lives and give them room to move in awkward situations.
• Others respect you and you develop I high level of self respect too.
• There is less likelihood of conflict, anger or aggression being part of your life.
• It really encourages others to respond to you assertively.
• And most importantly you develop a very high level of self esteem as the aim is to live up to your own standards that YOU set yourself, rather than trying to guess or work to other peoples expectations.

There is an enormous difference between aggressive behaviour and assertive behaviour. Assertive behaviour has everyone involved feeling good and positive about dealing with problems and enjoying the encouraging environment whereas aggressive behaviour gives off negative vibes and uncooperative environments.

Developing Assertive Behavioural Style

• Always take both the credit and blame for your own behaviour and actions.
• Verbal statements should be practiced to give you confidence e.g. ‘the great thing about working with you is that you always listen…’, ‘I need your help with something that is troubling me…’ and ‘This isn’t easy to say…’ These phrases should feel easy to say in and said they way you would say them.
• Non verbal behaviour is just as important;
  • Eye Contact – look directly into the eyes of the person you are speaking to
  • Voice Tone – Slightly lower the pitch at the end of a sentence as this makes it sound like a statement as this strengthens your message
  • Personal Appearance – Dress appropriately for the situation, ask if you don’t know or are unsure.
  • Posture – Erect and relaxed, allows others to take you seriously.
  • Gestures – should be relaxed moderate in size and fluid.
  • Facial Expressions – keep them as neutral as possible as this allows your communication to be understood without distortion or misinterpretation.

Always prepare and rehearse when changing behaviours and make sure you make the changes a step at a time rather than trying to change it all at the one go.

Have you ever stood in company, sat in a meeting, or listened to someone presenting and become frustrated with the jargon that they are using?   Have you noticed how we switch off and begin to drift, or get more and more annoyed with the person speaking, to the point that we don’t even hear what they are saying anymore?

So why, when we get the opportunity and feel vulnerable or lacking in confidence, do we then start to use jargon or buzzwords or technical phrases ourselves?

If we remember that on hearing these things ourselves we usually think less of the person, then we will stay on the right track.

Keep things simple

Always think of your audience, regardless of whether it is made up of 1 or 100 people. The more plain and clear your words, the more interest and understanding comes to those who are listening.

So next time you are feeling exposed or insecure remember to stay focused on simple, direct, clear and plain speaking.   You’ll make things more interesting, as plain, honest speaking is what you want to be remembered for, not for being a jerk, or worse!

Often we complain about lack of communication when we are in situations that affect us and we don’t know what is going on.  When we seem to be kept in the dark as others tell us it’s being dealt with, we get frustrated and even angry, as we have no control or knowledge of what the ‘true picture’ really is.

So why, when we are trying to deal with difficult situations, do we sometimes hold onto information and try to deal with it before we feel we need to tell people?  Could it be that we fear what may happen, or that we are trying to solve things without help?

We need to make sure that we keep communications open and honest, as that is how we like it.  If we know what is happening and what is being done about our situation regularly, then we are less likely to become agitated, defensive or aggressive.  

Remember, when in the situation that affects others; simply communicate the situation factually and fairly and without emotion.  Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and think about what you need in the way of communications.  Also remember that communication is a two way street and we must always listen to the other side.  I don’t just mean let them talk; I mean REALLY listen to how they feel.  This will help you with your communication strategy.   

Communication is simple; it is the planning, preparation and choosing the proper execution of the communication that is the hard part.

Your Destiny Is In Your Own Hands!

A number of years ago I worked with a manager who was only interested in themselves and their own achievements. That meant they wanted things for me, only to show themselves in a good light.

I was very frustrated and unhappy with my working situation and started to really hate working for the company and especially my manager. The job was still the same; I was a high achieving sales manager, in the same company, with the same responsibility for a great team of 12 people spread far and wide throughout the country, who were consistently well above target and delighting the customers.

Only One Thing Had Changed

My manager! And that, in turn, had changed my environment.

I had two options to consider; either to stay and find a way to work more effectively with my manager, or to find a new job. I have never been a quitter, so I had to find a way to work with my manager.

I was due to have a 1:1 meeting with my manager one Monday, so the weekend before; I sat down in my dining room with an A4 piece of paper and a pen. On one side of the paper I wrote down the heading ‘Pros’ and on the other side, ‘Cons’. The most difficult part for me was to clear my mind of the emotions I felt towards this manager, as I wrote down all the pros and cons about this person and working with them.

As I’m sure you can imagine, if you have ever been in this situation, I had a very long list of Cons and a very small list of Pros. But when I analysed both lists, I realised the clashes that arose were very much aligned with clashes in our values. This was vital information for me to be able to rationalise how I could work with my manager.

So as I planned out my strategy for a better working relationship, I thought about what motivated my manager, what few values we had in common and what little I liked about them. I used all of these Pro points to plan out our meeting and work on going forward. The result? To ‘Manage My Manager’!

On That Monday…

I believe my manager expected to do battle with me on a few areas in which we had previously clashed. Instead, I came armed with positive ideas for moving forward. As we talked, I hit their buttons and they left the meeting seeing a different side to me and commenting on my great work.

I Had Not Changed Any Of My Values

…my principles or my position on the beliefs that had caused us to clash previously. All I had changed was my attitude and how I was communicating with my manager. Over the following months my manager commented on how well my team and I were doing – nothing had changed; we were still well ahead of our targets and delighting the customers. It was my manager’s interpretation and attitude that had changed.

My work and social life (as they always affect each other) became easier, and although my thoughts on my manager had not changed, my attitude and actions had. This allowed me the space and time to stay on top of my game until the right offer came my way…and it did.

Four Months Later…

I had the opportunity to move to another position within the same company, which I loved working for again, and I took it. My manager asked me to stay as we worked so well together and said they would help even more with my development. This really meant that they would take whatever glory would come from my hard work as they had been obstructive in a number of development opportunities that had come my way previously. I thanked them for everything they had taught me and I meant every word of it. Believe me, I learned plenty under that dreadful manager; how not to manage people was just one thing and of course, how to Manage Your Manager, was another!

Years Later…

I still use the same tactics when dealing with people whose values clash with my own and whom I still have a need to work or socialise with. So if you are in a similar situation, or become so in the future, feel free to adopt the above tactics to help you move forward!

Having difficulties with your manager, contact us now.

Now Let Me State This Right Up Front!

I am not referring to those naughty fantasies that you may have thought about when you read this title! I’m referring to those thoughts that grow arms and legs from a single comment, facial expression or part of a gesture.

You Know What I’m Talking About!

…when a colleague, client, friend or family member says something innocently, then we start to dissect it in our heads. Or their facial expression changes and unsettles us and we begin to try and work out what they actually meant by that?

That little voice inside our heads can spin a look, word or phrase, maybe even a gesture into something positive – or, more often, negative.

So, is it a positive or a negative spin that you apply to what you see or hear? Maybe that depends on the person delivering it?

If you find you are getting caught up in a negative spiral about someone or that you seem to be reading things into gestures and looks that make you feel bad, annoyed, frustrated or angry, then the 5 Point Guide to breaking the negative spiral, below, might be just what you need.

Breaking The Negative Spiral – A 5 Point Guide

1. The first thing to do is ask yourself what real evidence is there to back up what has just been interpreted – concentrate on facts only, not subjectivity.
2. Could the person you are dealing with have something else on their minds other than what you are discussing? Could this be affecting their communication with you?
3. Look out for repeated behavioural patterns: vary times and places of meetings. In case this could be affecting the interactions. (It could be that the person you are dealing with isn’t a ‘mornings person’ and may communicate more easily in the afternoons. Or maybe the physical barrier of a big desk between you is causing psychological barrier too, and a chat over coffee in the staffroom would be more positive.)
4. Discuss with the person what you have observed and the impact it had on you. Be very factual and specific – not general – in your comments. So prepare.
5. Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. What did you say and how did you say it? Could you have put it differently? Could your tone of voice have affected their response?

Sometimes we are so wrapped up in what we are doing or saying that we don’t always notice the things that maybe affecting others. Prepare yourself, by using the 5 Point Guide, and discuss your observations openly and honestly. You may be very surprised by the discussions you have and in the end you will find common ground…. if you look for it!